Thursday, May 2, 2013
another ditch in the road...you keep moving.
I have been overweight since I was around 2nd or 3rd grade so I guess 7ish. I totally became an emotional eater. Both my parents are drug addicts/alcoholics and I grew up in a house with domestic violence almost every night. When it got bad enough, mom and I would leave and have a second dinner at a fast food restaurant and then go ot my grandma's and make cookie dough or cake or eat little debbies. As I got older, mom would take off and leave me with grandma for days at a time and I always thought she had killed herself or something.....no one in my family eats healthy or works out. All the women have had gastric bypass except for me. When I was in 8th grade my mom decided she couldn't live with my dad and stayed with a friend that I couldn't be around for things many reasons....many of which I haven't dealt with. So I stayed with my dad who then started taking things out on me...at which time my drug addict/alcoholic older brother moved ina nd would bring friends over and get high and do things that weren't right to me. Needless to say, we would only eat fast food or crap food I could keep in my room that wouldn't spoil. Towards the last few months of my sophomore year I stopped eating. I was done...and no one noticed. Not one family member talked to me about it. When I met the marine I married at 16 I wasn't eating at all. We got married to get me out of that situation and I immediately ballooned up again because I started eating and hadn't dealt with emotional issues. After Azali was born I said enough was enough. I still struggle with emotional eating and a lot of anger issues towards my family that have NOT been dealt with. Which is probably why I still yo yo. This is a blog topic I'd like to explore more but I keep stopping myself. There's a song I found recently that basically sums up how I feel about my childhood...I couldn't imagine a song more accurate about my life.....it is like I wrote it. I will continue exploring this topic...I think it will help me tackle some of the emotional eating issues I've been having This is a song by Savage Garden http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0wexLhWwSQ Songwriters: JONES, DANIEL/HAYES, DARREN STANLEY And she takes another step Slowly she opens the door Check that he is sleeping Pick up all the broken glass And furniture on the floor Been up half the night screaming Now it's time to get away Pack up the kids in the car Another bruise to try and hide Another alibi to write Another ditch in the road You keep moving Another stop sign You keep moving on And the years go by so fast Wonder how I ever made it through And there are children to think of Baby's asleep in the back seat Wonder how they'll ever make it Through this living nightmare But the mind is an amazing thing Full of candy dreams and new toys And another cheap hotel Two beds and a coffee machine But there are groceries to buy And she knows she'll have to go home Another ditch in the road You keep moving Another stop sign You keep moving on And the years go by so fast Wonder how I ever made it through Another bruise to try and hide Another alibi to write Another lonely highway in the black of night But there is hope in the darkness You know you´re going to make it Another ditch in the road You keep moving Another stop sign You keep moving on And the years go by so fast Silent fortress built to last Wonder how I ever made it